Memory. Again.

I recently "found" an old High School acquaintaince, of the male variety, but with whom I maybe flirted, and maybe even a LOT, but always maintained a strictly Platonic relationship. So, in corresponding, he mentioned two things we'd done together, one I remembered fairly clearly, and the other not at all. The absent memory was of a Senior Trip I'd supposedly attended with him, and try as I might, I couldn't remember ANYTHING about it. So, I asked him to jog my memory with as much detail as he could, and he did exactly that.

Turns out, I had in fact gone to the Renaissance Faire with a bunch of other students one year, and that was the trip he was recalling. And after I read through things a bit, it came back, not with crystal clarity, but vividly enough that I am certain it really happened (No "recovered memories" here, thank you very much!)

A quick point, because it is a gorgeous quality this guy has: Note he not only USES spell check, but actually ADMITS to it!!! Can you even believe? Now, if I can manage to get him to get that across to all the CEOs in the world, we're all on the fast track to Utopia, BABY! Simply beautiful!

Anyway, I'm tired as hell now, and so I'm lazy and just going to copy and paste the exchange. Here it is:

Okay...it was MY senior trip, and some worthy non-seniors got to go to the Texas Renaissance Festival. My oldest friend in the world, Lionel, was with me, and we all started talking and you and I sat with each other on the bus.

Some snooty girls were talking bad about you, maybe because I was dating Rachel and sitting with another girl...I dunno. I quietly informed you as you were digging for something in your bag with your head down where they couldn't see you. You affirmed that you understood the problem. How did you respond? As you sat up, you wiped your mouth and smiled at me...to the shock of the snooty squad. Ah, the conclusions they must've come to...LOL. Later, you exchanged heated comments with a couple of them. The conflict was brief, however.

And you, being the Ren Fest expert, you told me all I should expect from it, including the double-entendres. Did I spell that right? Maybe because it's French the spell check doesn't recognize it. SO ANYWAY...we enter the grounds, and as you're reminding me of the innuendos I will undoubtedly hear (and I got the impression you were impervious to such shenannigans), a girl jumps out into the street and points at you. You gasped and stiffened as she asked, in an obviously fake cockney accent (actually, it wasn't bad), "WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU HAD A GOOD TWELVE INCHES??" You promptly turned around and walked briskly away, and she called after you: "OH, COME ON! GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER! I WAS TALKING ABOUT SAUSAGE!!"

She was vending sausage. The Mighty Toff, toppling so quickly. Over festival food. So sad.

We shared a muff (snicker) and pretty much stayed together the whole time. And if I remember correctly, you fell asleep for a short time on my shoulder.Remember now? If you need to correct me on details, or you remember more, let me know!

I responded to him as follows:

You know, Mr. Jagger has it SO dead on: "What a draaaaaaag it is getting old!" I'm so glad you gave me the replay on that, because I guess I'd banked that whole set of memories somewhere WAY back in an old, dusty, super-crazy-locked-tight part of the ole noggin. I was thinking maybe you had me confused with somebody else. I kept thinking that I had only been on a single RenFaire trip, and that was with my SPARK class. DUH! It took a little priming, but the neuropumpthingy FINALLY kicked in, and I remember it now. Not vividly, but clearly enough.

See, if I had the sausage experience today, I'd have volleyed back immediately, probably making a big show with a swift swat to your ass (for dramatic effect, of course) and a comment along the lines of, "Gee, (turning to you as though for confirmation, maybe checking my Swatch nonchalantly) what's it been, hon? Five minutes since we got off the bus?" And THEN I'd have walked off.

Its so peculiar, the way I've always had that sassy, rebellious streak, but I had to kind of try it out, like I was learning to walk or something. Hey, no sweat hinting to the Mouthy Broads that I had to see DAILY that I'd just performed fellatio in a crowded bus on a guy who was very much dating another girl, but somehow snapping back a saucy reply to a total stranger at the flippin' RenFaire was too much of an ego hit!?!? Go figure. Those sausage wenches though, they'll catch you off guard EVERY time!

Ok, maybe growing up isn't all that bad... at least for me, it has removed a lot of concern about other people's opinions of me. In those days, I really wanted not to care, and I tried my best convince everyone that I didn't, but I did, of course. I like to think I put on a relatively good show of indifference, but I was a mess just below the surface. I suppose pretty much everyone was. Because seriously? There's no WAY Coca-Cola shirts would have ever caught on otherwise!

I do indeed recall the post-Faire shoulder-snooze, too. I seem to remember yours being the best I'd had. (Your SHOULDER!) In fact, I don't think I found its equal until about nine years ago, so yours held the records for most inviting/comfy even through my first marriage! How important you must feel now, having had that little tidbit bestowed upon you by "The Mighty Toff." (har har) How wonderfully flattered I am that you called me that... silly as it is. Occasionally, that little insecure Sophomore chick gets a major boost from a seemingly ridiculous detail like that, even if it is twenty years old or thereabouts! So, uh, keep 'em coming if you have any more little gems in there. That's GOOOOOOOOOOD stuff!

I never cease to be blown away by the how weird a thing the human memory can be! I wrote an entry on it about a year ago, and even after a terrible bout of syllaborrhea, I never felt like I'd really quite captured it completely, how two people can have shared an experience and come away with drastically different recollections of the identical events. Too, it's always so curious to me that Event X might be something that remains with me as a waking memory until I reach the grave, whereas the person who shared Event X with me might forget all about it and have to be spoon-fed the details in order to call it back up (witness the above Senior Trip!).

Big, waterlogged, glucose-hogging, protein-dependent, organic computers hanging around up there in our heads, that's what we have, only there's no Microsoft to systematize things all nice and neat with any discernible file structure! Nope, it's all handled behind the scenes. While we dream and when we're busy doing other things, some aspect of ourselves just plugs away, putting this memory in that folder, that folder under super-duper-crazy-double-lockdown-security, and keeping this other memory floating around in the forefront of our minds like a damned mosquito, because it really doesn't make any flippin' sense that we keep THINKING about it! Shit, I need to go see my shrink! (har har har har--- no, really!)

It's seeming more and more, when I talk to people from back in those years, that maybe some part of me has worked REALLY hard to keep as much of my life between the ages of about 14 and 24 stowed neatly away, where not even I can access it readily! I'm positive I don't have any kind of trauma worthy of a Lifetime Movie, no creepy molester guidance counselor uncles or anything like that, but it was a very FULL and very trying decade in all. I guess that's reason enough that some part of me tries to protect me from it. I am really really glad that you and I are corresponding... it is nice to have GOOD things pop back up in my conscious memory about 'dem days. It reminds me how it is that I can be a fairly stable and productive adult, despite all the crap.

Friends is how.

Ok... and now I'm feeling all inspired and stuff, so I'll probably copy and paste at least parts of this and flesh it out for a blog entry. So now you're my Muse too. It just doesn't end, eh? Oh, what WILL the Mouthy Broads say???
Have a restful night, and may it be as comfy as that long ago shoulder nap;)