Adjusting to The Car Accident

I can't decide what's scariest about this process:

1. Being "high-risk" because I've reached the arbitrary number of 35 years of age
2. Knowing what I'm in for in this whole pregnancy thing
3. Knowing what I'm in for with the whole mothering thing
4. Having received news Friday that my hcg and progesterone levels are HIGH and could equal MULTIPLES or molar pregnancy.

It bears mentioning too that numbers 2 and 3 above are also the things I can't decide between for which is most amazing.

I'm impatient ordinarily, but since Thursday, when we got confirmation of the pregnancy we'd been rather suspecting for the previous couple of weeks, I'm insanely so. With our elder son, all we knew was pregnancy, so there was nothing to do but focus on each momentous miracle in our journey to parenthood. The second time around, we knew full well what was coming AND were some po' ass broke folks. It was a terrifying time in many ways, but not because of the pregnancy or impending arrival... those were what we looked forward to. Now, here we are 35 and 36, with me going back to school, thinking we're done with diapers and midnight nursing sessions and leaky boobs and drooling babies, when WHAMO! We're getting to do it ALL OVER AGAIN!

Certainly, I'm cautious and intent on doing as much of this right as possible. I'm not afraid of labor or birth, not only because I've already got a total of 8 days worth of it under my belt (no, that's NOT a typo), but also because I don't feel the need to set limits now on what's going to happen then. When the time is here, I'll figure out what I need in the way of support and/or pain relief--- no pressure, no anticipation, because I'll use whatever I feel like I need, and that's perfectly fine.

The fear comes in the mothering part. I'm practiced, of course, but THREE is an AWFULLY big number all of the sudden! And of course, FOUR is infinitessimally larger still... gawd, what WILL we do?? Mr. Cakes swears it's no hill, we're gonna end up with a Suburban anyway, so two carseats instead of one is just more of the same. I suppose there's a lot of sanity and wisdom in that approach.. but, DAMN!

I go tomorrow for more bloodwork. The numbers should give us an indication as to the health of this pregnancy, the likelihood of multiples, and/or the possibility of molar pregnancy, which is actually a benign tumor and not anything that has the potential to end with a baby. Thankfully, it tends to mostly affect women with East Asian ancestry, something I absolutely and completely lack. At least as far as I know, but I could have a relative that was written out of the family after intermarrying, right? So it could be a real risk??? Man, if ever they come up with an anti-catastrophizing drug, I'm THERE!

Craaaaaaaazzzzzzzzzzzyyyyyyyyy...

Until then, rest well, and please oh please wish me likewise.

Ms. Cakes